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"Garland Hope," 12

I was twelve
Too young to know
A kiss from a peck
Old enough to know
What love was suppose to be

His name was Sam
We were friends for a while
Then I hit second grade
And we weren't friends
Our mothers were friends

We were practically strangers
I moved away
He switched schools
We barely spoke

I always knew he had a crush on me

Do you know that reaction?
When you ask
Who loves you and
You don't like
That person,
The answer
To that
God dammed
Stupid question?

When you wince
At first then
Shudder than
Pretend you're
Okay with it
That you really
Weren't hoping
For someone else a –

Prettier more romantic
Someone else- but
Inside your stomach
Is twisting itself into
Sickness and you
Really don't want to
Face the Facts?

That's what happened when Sam kissed me

It was Christmas
His mother invited
My mother over
My mother made
A bee line for their
Kitchen, Sam
Was waiting for me
In the living room

I skipped in and attempted a summersault

I didn't see him at first
I was enthralled with
A TV tray covered
In photographs

His family were the kind
Of people that had
TV tray dinners
On weekends

His mother had
Pristine bathrooms
And his sheets was always
Crisp and cool

That's the only thing
I really remember from
That moment

And the actual kissing part of Corse

There was mistletoe
I guess it was cute
Now-my girlfriends
Tell me it was adorable
My first kiss under mistletoe
How ironic that he didn't
Believe in Christmas

It wasn't subtle
It wasn't adorable
It was awkward
And messy
And uncalled for

I did not see it
Coming, At all
No clue whatsoever
I was prepared for
An hour and a half
At an x-friends
House, I brought
A copy of Harry
Potter and
A blank copy of my math homework

He tried to make
It a great kiss
I think he
Thought it out
Maybe
He studied for
It, maybe
He watched
Old movies
And spied
On people

But I wouldn't
Wish this kiss
On anyone

It was funny
And awkward
And he practically
Attacked me

It was gross
And sloppy
And humorous
And babyish
And unromantic
Overly spontaneous

I wished he asked
It was clumsy
And wrong
And inaccurate
And erroneous
And harsh
And so utterly
Right

It was the only first kiss I'd ever imagine for me
But I wouldn't wish it on anyone else






ed note: this post was edited for length

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